I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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