Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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