You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
