I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
