At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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