She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
