I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
