Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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