You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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