so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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