I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I forget how to act sober
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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