I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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