I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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