i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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