the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
