Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My pussy is not your playground.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
