i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
