I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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