Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
