fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
