oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
