Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
