According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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