Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion