Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”