If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
please come you make the beer taste better
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.