It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.