just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist