this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober