kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
