How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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