It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
