Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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