I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
