I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
