foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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