ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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