I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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