It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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