totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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