It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
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I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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