Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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