We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
