I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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