does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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