get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
