Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
