i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
