I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sober January is a disaster.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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