I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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