Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
