sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
