Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
