Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
