Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
