On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
