I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
