I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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