Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
