My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
