does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
