you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
