WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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