In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I accidentally had phone sex last night
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
