I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well I just put wine in my tea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
