I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
