You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
