I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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