sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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