So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She announced her abortion via fbk
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
