even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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