You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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