Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize