I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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