Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
