I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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