Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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