So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
