i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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