my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
