is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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