im drinking this country out of the recession.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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