make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.