Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."