I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?